My Crush Chronicles

Ohh boy... have been trying my level best to recollect, but there are just too many. Where do i start? Who have i left out? All difficult questions to answer. Now dont we all remember the time way back in school when we started having crushes? How many of us remember our first crush? Well, i sure do. I remember it was in my fourth grade that i had my first crush. It sure didnt last long. I dont remember how long, but im sure it would not have gone beyond a month at the most. Well, ok i was a little too young at that time. I never even thought of her seriously. She was attractive. Cute, would be a better word. She was in my class and i was just too shy to talk to her.
Number of days i had a crush on her - 31, approximately.
Number of words i managed to exchange with her during a whole academic year - 0 (shame on me). Full stop for that chapter. Fast forward to high school.
My next serious crush would have to be from 9th and 10th grade. I thought i was in love. I couldnt take my eyes off her after the first time i saw her. i refused to label it as a crush. I was convinced that it was love. I was old enough, wasnt I? Sure it was love. No doubts. Those were the days. I couldnt wait to get to school and steal a few glimpses of her during the break. Each time she walked past my class, my heart would skip a beat. The first year we never spoke, thanks to my amazing communication skills. We ocassionally crossed eachother in the hallway of our school. She never looked at me, but my eyes were on her. Then one fine day, as we crossed eachother, she gave me a very small smile. That was my day. I was convinced that she was in love with me too. She smiled at me and she loves me.....yooohhoooo...!! reality sunk in soon after and i was back on earth. The next year, the unthinkable happened. Our classes for shuffled and she ended up in my class. I was jumping into conclusions and creating my very own rules. I believed that it was a sign that it was meant to be. To complicate matters, she sat right in front of me. I was convinced that it was destiny. One fine day she turned around and spoke to me and i was at a total loss for words. I still held on to that faint little hope that she loved me. As the days passed, we got talking more and more. Suddenly we were talking always. We were spending the breaks together. We walked to lunch together and back and we also left for the day together. A few months passed by and we were really close to eachother by now. I still did not have the balls to tell her that i was in love with her. I did not stand a chance anyway, but somewhere there was this small hope. My self confidence was not that great either. I never combed my hair. I never dressed to impress. I had braces, which were meant to suppress my two huge buck teeth that stood out like two blocks of bricks that belonged to a wall. I played hockey and cricket but was never the best. That just was not going to be enough to impress her. The star players always stole the show and players like me always went un-noticed always. Of course, with all this i never stood a chance. I wouldnt say that i gave up, but i just let my feelings lie low. She later told me that she knew that i liked her and that it was obvious. I ofcourse denied it straight out. Im sure she never believed me. I got to know this person a lot and over time we became good friends and that soon changed into best friends. We shared all our secrets and was there for eachother in times of need. She was surely one of the best friends i have ever had. We passed out from school and we went our seperate ways. Those days we did not have the luxury of e-mails or sms. Neither did we have telephones at home. The only way we could keep in touch was by writing. We did write to eachother a few times and then that stopped. Its been 12 years since we last saw eachother. I have no clue where she is and im sure she has no clue about me too, but i know for sure that we shall never forget eachother. With all the technological advances we have made recently and with stuff like Orkut etc, im sure we may bump into eachother sometime. The world is a really small place, trust me.
That was undoubtedly the longest crush i have had towards anyone. Years passed after that and i have had many more crushes. Some lasting few weeks and some lasting as little was few days. Crushes come and go and the funny thing is, with each one i used to think that, this is it...!! This is the one....!! I wish i had even one tenth of the common sense i have now, but then, i guess thats how we are supposed to be back then. Full of innocence and full of dreams and full of high hopes. What a life it was.
I had a serious relationship in college that lasted few years. Again at that time i believed that that was it. It was my first serious relationship. It lasted close to four years. I have learnt a lot from that. I have learnt what to do and what not to do in a relationship. I have learnt to accept people as they are and not expect them to change and be something you want them to be. Right now i am applying all i have learnt in my current relationship. Things have been great so far. I have no clue how things will be few years down the line. I believe it will all be good.
Few years down the line, i can imagine my kid telling me about this crush he has on this cute little girl. I know i will smile. Infact ill do more than smile. I would love to hear him speak more about his crush. I know which way its going. I know that feeling. Been there, Done that.

ps: My apologies to all those lovely women i have failed to mention in this post. There are just too many of you, and so little space.

9/11 (1979)

Completing 27 years of existance on this planet, i now look back. I look back at the twists and turns that have led me to where i am now. I would have sailed till here, no doubts, but things could have been different. The sea could have been different. More calm, more rough. The obstacles could have been different and most of all, one less flutter of the butterfly wings and i could have been a whole different person. What a journey this has been and i sure have a long way to go. I dont really know how far, but i am determined to push it as much as i can.
There was a time when i always used to think that the best days of my life were over. School days were awesome. College was awesome. Childhoods end was way back. Im not going to get it back. Those were the best days and its over. Sigh...!!! Now what do i see when i look ahead? Not a clear picture, but right now, one thing i know for sure, The best days are yet to come. Wouldnt it be real easy if we knew exactly how our life would be few years down the line. I used to make that mistake of planning out my life way in advance. For those of you who do that, trust me, it dosent work that way. For example, my life right now is nowhere close to what i thought and planned it to be few years ago. So now i stopped planning. I have so much to look forward to. A great career. A lovely lady waiting to be my wife. Few kids. Maybe ill graduate, maybe i wont. Maybe ill get married, maybe i wont. Maybe ill have 2.5 perfect kids, maybe i wont. Maybe ill have a heart attack when im 50, maybe i wont. Maybe ill celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary, maybe i wont. Who knows. Im going to make the best use of each and every single minute that i have. Im going to live each day like its my last.
I have also learnt many valuable lessons in the past 27 years. Number one on my list would be that it is important to be nice to people on your way up the hill, because you will meet them again on your way down, and you will need them. People come and go through your life every single day. It is impossible to keep everyone and its not worth it. However there are a handful that you must never ever let go. Hold on to them and you will understand its value later. Another lesson i learnt is that people change, relationships change. Everything changes. In fact, the only thing constant is change its self. I learnt not to go looking for the person i once knew. What happened to the person you fell in love with? Its so different now. Stop searching for that, for you will never find it. It reminds me of the lines i once heard in a song, "if you cant be with the one you love, then love the one your with". How true. Love has to be recreated each and every single day. The love you created few years ago is different now and has a whole different meaning. Its not difficult. It is indeed possible and the best part is, it feels like falling in love with your partner every single day.
My health has not always been the best. I have never taken good care of myself. I think its high time i started thinking about it. I used to feel that it was my life and i had the right to live it the way i wanted to. Right now i feel that my life is not only mine. I am sharing it with someone else and what i do with my life, concerns them also. I need to eat healthy. I need to cut down on some habbits. I need to exercise and get in shape. I dont want to be panting like a dog as soon as i have climbed a single flight of stairs.
All said and done, life is good and will be. To and extend we create and design our own destiny. Crossing 27 is ok. In few years i would cross the psychological barrier of 30. Now that would be something to really write about.
Peace...........!!!