Christmas alone...And A Bright New Year

Christmas surely is my favorite holiday. I don't exactly know why but I'm linking it to my childhood memories. The carols, various Christmas programs, gifts, food, family and friends. Its a time when the whole family comes together. Uncles, aunts, cousins. Even if some of us were far away from home and couldn't make it, there was always someone to celebrate the season with. This is my third Christmas here. Three years of no family or friends. No Christmas tree and no decorations. Its no fun doing it alone right? Our classes finished today and most of the students in the apartments have left and the rest of them will be leaving in a day or two. Another few days and ill be the only soul left. The snow fall makes for a white Christmas, but it also makes you want to stay in bed under your blanket and not get up, and that's exactly what i will be doing. Being away from home has made me miss a lot of things. Whats gone is gone and i guess i can never earn those back. So am I going to do something exciting for Christmas? Hhhmm.. lets see...!! I can sleep enough, maybe celebrate with a few shots of Jack Daniels, and of course dream about what I'm missing back home.

Ohh well, i shouldn't be complaining so much. New Years is going to be way better. I get to go home and i am looking forward to that. Its been close to two years. I could not go before Christmas because the ticket prices were way higher. Couldn't afford that, so decided ill go in time for new years. Good enough. At least i get to go. There is so much i am looking forward to back home. Family, friends, girlfriend, food and a lot lot more. If everything goes as planned, i should land in Chennai on the 29th and fly back from there on the 17th. Some places i hope to visit during my brief stay are:
Chennai: Of course i land there, but apart from that, im in love with that place. My brother is based there. Most of my friends are based there and i could stay there forever. Looking forward to a barbecue party on the 30th and also having a few drinks with buddies. One of my close friend gets married on the 29th, so i get to attend that.
Food Craving: Masala dosa, Idly and vada, from Palimar Restaurant or Vasanth Vihar.
Bangalore: Not really sure about making it to Bangalore, but i really want to. Have plenty of family there. Most of my dear cousins. Also have a few of my dear buddies from college who are now there. Would love to meet them and catch up.
Food Craving: Burger from Indiana fast food on Brigade road. It beats every burger.
Hyderabad: Of course i have to go to Hyderabad, actually that's my main reason for making this trip. Cant wait to see my girlfriend. Being far apart has been really crazy and the distance has given us our more than fair share of frustrations, fights and anger. We held on so long and we deserve to see each other.
Food Craving: Biryani of course. One of my all time favorite. Wouldn't miss that.
Kerala: So many places to visit in Kerala. Dad is in Kerala and there are plenty of relatives whom i cannot avoid. I'm sure i will be spending my time here visiting people. Am also planning to take a boat trip through the backwaters with my dad and brother. Guess the hardest step for me would be visiting the house where i was born and grew up and where my granny lived. This is my first visit since she passed away a few months ago and since i couldn't make it for the funeral, its going to be weird walking into that house without her standing at the door step. Minus the smell and taste of her food also.
Food Craving: Paratha and Kerala beef. Pomfret fry. Tapioca and red hot fish curry.

All said and done, i have exactly 20 days to do all this. Lets see how much I achieve. When have things gone as planned? Whatever, I am so looking forward to this trip. I need it and i deserve it. Should be back in the blogworld when I get back in January.
Have a wonderful Christmas and an awesome New Year.

What Kind of Love are You On ?

Boy: "Sweetie, i just love the way you cook. I could eat that forever."
Girl: "I love it that you're always there for me, any time of the day."

A few years after being married, or into their relationship-

Man: "Seriously, isn't there anything else you know to cook?"
Woman: You're always in my face. I need my space"

Do these patterns sound familiar to most of you? Well, if it does then thats good news. You are made for each other and the fact that you are made for eachother, thats good news and bad news. How many times have we wondered why we have ended up with the person we are with now? Did we make a mistake? Things were so wonderful when we started and where is that person i once knew? All the excitement has gone and our relationship is not like what it used to be. Every one of us have felt this at some point, haven't we? It's OK. There is a reason why you are with your partner. There is a reason you both have conflicts, and you are supposed to. To find out why, we have to rewind all the way back to our childhood.

The concept of IMAGO was developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix. The word Imago is latin for "image". To be brief, when we are kids and when we are growing up, we all have a primary careteker. Boys are usually close with their mothers and girls usually form a bond with their fathers. While we grow close with our caretaker, we are forming an image of them in our subconscious. This image develops over time and that to us the the perfect image. Then we grow up and detach from our parents. We no longer need our caretaker. Haven't we all passed through a stage where we are embarassed to be seen with our parents in front of our friends? It is at this stage that we start having real feelings towards the opposite sex. We are now detached from our parents, but our subconscious is not ready to make that cut. So what does it do? It goes in search of an Imago match. All we realize is that we find someone attractive and cool and we are falling in love with them, but its actually our subconscious at work and its working overtime to find someone who will be a perfect match to the image of our caretaker that we have stored in our brain. In almost every single case, boys marry their mothers and girls marry their fathers. Try to think about it. Does your partner share positive or negative traits with your father or mother? The answer is always yes. If you dont see it, you just may need some help in tracing it. You can never fall in love with someone who does not share any traits of either one of your parents. Now the big question. Why? What exactly is the purpose of finding an imago match? The reason being that as children, our caretakers leave wounds on us. They hurt us in ways we do not understand. These wounds remain in our subconscious, till it reaches a stage where it can find a match to heal those wounds. So yes, the reason we are in love with our partner is so that we can heal childhood wounds. For example, children of alcoholics are most likely to end up with someone who is an alcoholic or has some addiction. This is because as a child, it was not able to do anything about the parents addiction. This left a huge wound and now he/she has married an addict so that they can revisit the isssues that were unresolved in the persons childhood. The person now tries to fix the partners addiction, to make up for not being able to fix their parents addiction. This is how conflicts happen in partners. Another example. If a boy grew up with a mother who was a drama queen, no doubt he will marry someone who is a drama queen even though he hates it. He does this because as a kid there was nothing he could do to fix his mothers actions and now he is going to do that by fixing his partner, who is a perfect imago match.

The whole process of fixing and healing can be termed as conflicts. You want to fix your partner, but that dosent mean your partner wants to be fixed. Your partner is also undergoing the same process in trying to fix you even though you do not need to be fixed. As a result you fight and have arguments. It is at this stage that we feel that we married the wrong person because we are always fighting. The truth is, the more conflicts we have, it only shows that we have better imago matches and that there is a lot more healing taking place. So when there are fights and arguments, it does not mean you made a mistake. It only means that you are both more and more perfect for each other. Its true that at first we dont see the traits in our partner that would cause conflicts. This is because initially we try extra hard to bring out only our positives. Its a subconscious way of recruiting the right imago match.

With my clients that i see, I always use the metaphor of watching a movie. I tell them that marriages are like a long movie. When we first see the trailer, it looks awesome. We want to see the movie so badly. This is because the trailer has all the good parts thrown in and that is all we see. Once we watch the real movie, we realize that its not as good as the trailer and that it probably sucks. In marriages and relationships, this is the stage where we move from the fantasy stage to the reality stage. So, once the imago match has been found and relationship made strong,we can afford to start our healing, through fights and conflicts. So you could ask when will the healing process be complete. It is complete as soon as you are dead. You will be healing your wounds with your partner till the day you die. The hardest part of a marriage or relationship is that most of us do not understand the process that happens at a subconscious level. While both our subconscious fights it out to heal wounds, it can be difficult for our conscious self to understand what is happening. The very things that we loved in our partner becomes what bugs us the most now. The things that we loved that our partner did to us, has suddenly become annoying. Some of us give up and walk away. Some of us take help. Some of us are able to live with it. It would make a world of difference if all couples understood this process that happens. Couples can get through their conflicts with the help of certain couples-dialogues which would make each partner feel heard. This is an exercise among many that i use with my clients and i would recommend it to any couple, because i have seen it work wonders, and its easy to learn and practice.

So, the next time your partner tells you that your cooking sucks, or the next time that your partner says how annoying you have become, or when they complain about how you always mess up the toilet or the bedroom, cheer up, because you are hearing those words because you are both made for each other and you couldnt have found a more perfect match.

Have Yourself A Twisted Christmas

Its that wonderful time of the year. As we partake in the joy of giving, many cash registers across the globe are ringing overtime. Everyone is cashing in on this time of the year and that includes veteran rockers Twisted Sisters who have released a full length Christmas album titled Twisted Christmas. You can listen to the full album here for a limited time. As far as i can remember, i don't think there has been a real heavy metal Christmas album to boast about. Many metal artists have released Christmas singles, like Ozzy for example who stumped everyone when he recorded Winter Wonderland with none other than Jessica Simpson(sigh). Check the video here. Twisted Sisters have taken a huge step in going the whole way and releasing a whole album. I personally would not rate this album very highly. Sure its a heavy metal Christmas album, but its just the traditional Christmas songs thrown in. I would have appreciated it and valued it much more if they had written some songs themselves rather than cover the classics. The track list includes songs such as O Come All Ye Faithful which has been sung to the rhythm of their cult classic We're Not Gonna Take It, which i would call as the highlight of this album along with Have yourself a Merry Christmas. Other tracks include I'll Be Home For Christmas, a duet with Lita Ford, Let It Snow and other classics that emerge out of tunes borrowed heavily from other bands like AC/DC's "Problem Child" becomes Silver Bells, Judas Priest's "You've Got Another Thing Coming" becomes I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, and Black Sabbath's "Never Say Die" and "War Pigs" are blended into Deck The Halls and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.
Someone who is in love with traditional carols will not appreciate this album. Someone who has real high expectations from Twisted Sisters too will find it hard to appreciate this album. We got to give them credit for their past glory. There was a time when they ruled. The 80's belonged to bands like them, but now it seems they have run out of steam. They regrouped four years ago and continued touring and are now due to split up next year. This was probably a last minute statement they made to the world and to the Twisted fans. Not the best kind of goodbye i expected from them.
My final verdict: This is an OK album. I will keep it in my play list and maybe even listen on the road during the season. This is only because there are no other dedicated metal Christmas albums. Maybe next year if another metal band decides to do an album, Twisted Christmas may be gathering dust in my room somewhere. But till then, have yourself a Twisted Christmas

Watch the video for O Come All Yea Faithful