Long Distance Relationship For Dummies

This is probably one of the greatest complexities that life has thrown at us. The whole concept does not make any sense sometimes, and yet at other times it makes all the sense in the world, though it is harder to understand. Some of us get into it knowingly and some of us just find ourselves in the middle of one, though it could have been the last thing we wanted to have with our partner. Both are equally difficult and no one scenario is easier than the other. Technology has played a huge role in making such relationships last, but beware, the same technology could cause your downfall. I cannot imagine someone having a long distance relationship 20 years ago, without Internet, cell phones and what not. A snail mail would take ages to reach from another country and whatever was written in that would be outdated by the time it reached. You can have a long distance relationship between two partners stuck in two different cities in the same country, or it could be two countries. The former has some advantage because if you really wanted to see your partner this weekend, you can. Anyway, this is not a lecture on what a long distance relationship is, or which is better. These are just some tips on how you can survive one, and come out smiling, all from my own experience and learning's from the last three long years.

Trust is the Key
Those diagnosed with Paranoid and OCD should stay away from this. You cannot keep doubting and you cannot keep checking on your partner. You need to trust them blindly and this can be a very hard thing to come by, especially if you have had your trust broken in the past. Know for a fact that your partner would not let you down and be assured that your partner believes the same of you. If you ever see a small doubt creeping in, clear it that very day with your partner. If you ignore it, it will only grow like a tumor, until its too late to cure.

No Conditions
You do not trust your partner with conditions. Never use statements like, "I will trust you if you call me everyday." Or, "I will trust you if you mail me everyday." Remember that your partner is not your hostage. The phone may not ring for a few days and your inbox may remain empty and that in no way means your darling is tossing the salad somewhere else. Trust them even if you don't hear from them for a while. There is always a good reason. You may also have expectations, but it in no way means that they have to be met. Some would be met and some may not. Appreciate your partner for what they do for you.

Be Honest, and Do Not
This is where we need to be totally honest with ourselves. Being far away from our partner does not ever grant us the right to do what we want. We can do what ever we want to with whoever we want to, and our partner may never come to know about it. If you have ever done something like this, then be assured that your relationship has already taken a few steps back without your knowledge. I guarantee you that it will come back to haunt you sometime in future. This is what I do: when ever I am in doubt, I ask myself how I would feel if my partner did what I was going to do. Would I approve her doing it? No. Would I feel hurt if she did it? Yes. Then I have no right to go ahead with what ever I was going to do.

No answer? Don't Panic
Ever tried calling your partner and all the phone did was ring on and on? Ever have this happen for more than one day in a row? And what did you think? That he/she has forgotten about you and moved on? Grow up. I agree that it could be the most frustrating feeling for you. It is for me, and calling becomes more complex because we are on two different sides of the globe and the time difference screws things up. Your partner could be at work. The phone would have run out of battery or it may have been on silent mode. Maybe they did not hear it, and hey, maybe they did not want to talk to you that day. Is there a rule that I missed that states that your partner should be willing to speak to you when ever you want to?

Ever Felt Misunderstood?
Its very easy to misunderstand your partners tone over the phone. Worse, it easier to misunderstand over the Internet. You can always tune words into what you want to hear and in that process the real meaning gets lost. Honestly, there is nothing much we can do about this. This is bound to happen often and I think that us being aware that it could be a misunderstanding, is a good start.

Always Clarify
Being out of sight, you are sure to hear about your partner from friends and other known people. News can get twisted by the time it reaches you and it could be far from reality. Do not jump into a conclusion by listening to the words of a third person. Always clarify it with your partner and be careful to not use an accusing tone. You are not accusing them, but only clarifying what you heard and setting it straight.

Frustrated? Suck it up.
Frustrations will happen. Physical closeness is such an important part of any relationship and when that is missing, it could throw the system into chaos. But do you want to give it all up because of some temporary frustrations? Along with distance, you will begin to see a new side to your partner. A side that you may wish never existed and this could always lead to frustrations and fights. Understand that no one comes with only positive traits. The negatives remain hidden at first and the closer you get, the more it is revealed. A cruel joke, don't you think? Haa.

Space it Out
Frustrations and fights happen. Don't be in a hurry to resolve it. I used to initially tell my partner that we would never ever let the sun go down before we resolve an issue. It never ever worked. Whats the hurry? I can cool down and resolve something in a few minutes and I would love to have it that way. My partner on the other hand, needs more space and time before she has cooled down and sometimes this could extend into the next day. So different people have different time spans before that are ready to resolve. So respect your partners space.

Surprise. Always Does Magic
Do things that are unexpected. Send a snail mail. Trust me, nothing beats the feeling of receiving something that was hand written by your partner. It feels more real and there is a different kind of connection. Plan a surprise call when your partner is not expecting one. If it goes unanswered, worry not, try later. If it goes through, just say, "I called to say that I love you." You can also send some packages occasionally that would surprise your partner. The scope of surprises are unlimited. Be creative and put an extra conscious effort into it always. The benefits are great.

Believe, for it Shall Pass
The distance is not permanent. It shall pass in due time. It has been more than three years for me and I still have a year to go. Ask yourself if what you have is worth holding on to, in spite of the hardships. If the answer is yes, then the pain, anger and frustrations of a long distance relationship are really worth it. Don't ever give up on something so precious, because of distance. How bad can a few months or years be? You both have a lifetime together.

Having blabbered so much, I would like to say that I am no expert and what I have written is not based on any study or research. It is purely from my own experience. These tips need not make sense or apply to every individual. We are all unique and have our own unique way of dealing with things. Do any of you have more useful tips on how you get through a long distance relationship? Please do share it, and lets make this process easier for all of us.

Innocence Faded

Darkness becomes deeper, uneasiness all over,
A sound sleep, broken by a hand,
A hand all too familiar.
Sleep turns to freeze, frozen with innocence,
A night unlike any other, calm yet macabre.
Search for the breast, still very young,
Finding between the legs, virgin spirit.
The familiar hand, with an unfamiliar touch,
The Familiar smell, laced with sulphur,
Closer and intense, with each hour long minute.
The fearful prayer, all too frozen,
The desperate cry, sealed by shock.
Courage she mustered, the young helpless body,
"Daddy?", she let out.
From her life, and through the thick of night, he slips away,
Taking with him, her innocence, all so valuable.

It Makes Me.....

Emotions are so much a part of humans. Some of us wish we could carry on without them, and yet some of us wish we had a little more than what we have. I used to think that I was really bad when it came to expressing emotions. Probably I still am, but that does not mean I don't feel them. I could still feel something and hide them, couldn't I? You bet, I'm pretty good that that. Very few privileged people have seen some of my emotions. So here's taking a look at some of my emotions and occasions when I feel them.

It makes me happy when...
So many things makes me happy. I can think of my favorite food and feel happy with the hope that I would get to eat it sometime soon. Right now I can think about graduating, and that makes me happy. I feel happy when I get an unexpected call or scrap from someone I love. I even feel happy when anyone calls me or leaves me a message. It just means someone has probably spent maybe a minute to think about me in their busy day. Most of all, I feel happy when someone listens to me, because usually its me who is the listener.

It makes me jump for joy when...
Might be crazy, but I jump for joy when I hear about some development that has happened in the railways, especially if its at some place I am familiar with. A single line has been converted to double line, and it excites me. An un electrified route becomes electrified, it excites me. Yeah, call me crazy. I recently jumped for joy when I heard that Ozzy would release his new album next month. Like its going to make my life any easier, but I still jump.

It makes me feel hurt when...
Nothing can hurt me more than being lied to. You can steal from me, I may get over it. You could beat me up, the wounds are only physical. Lying leaves such a deep scar in me and it creates this real heavy feeling in my heart. Maybe I feel like I have been taken for a fool, or maybe I feel like I was not respected. Whatever it is, please don't ever ever lie to me, no matter how big/small the issue.

It makes me feel sad when...
If I ever come across someone who has not been able to do something or achieve something because of the lack of money, that makes me really sad. Maybe its my strong desire to help, versus my ability to. Very few poor people become rich. The rich become richer and the poor remain where they are. Its not fair. There have been many things I have not got or not been able to do because I do not have the money. Strangely I would feel more sadder for my friend who had to miss a movie at the theater, than for a homeless person. Weird. It also makes me sad to hear about children dying, for what ever reasons. Its just not their time yet. Someone got it all wrong.

It makes me smile when...
Show me children or even pictures of children and there is no way I can hide my smile. Every kid is cute, in their own right and maybe its the innocence about them that makes me smile. Show me a clip or shot of a father playing with his kid, and that makes me smile, maybe because I am a man. I wonder if I subconsciously think what it would be like to go back and become like them, with no worries and not a care for anything in this world. Everything taken care of for them. What a way to live, and you got to smile for that.

It makes me cry when...
Men cry. Accept it, and if any of you men deny that, you are not being honest. We probably see tears as a sign of weakness. I can cry when I'm lied to. I can cry if I have had a fight or misunderstanding with my partner or even a friend. Movies make me cry, believe it or not. I cry the most because of a movie. I'm not really particular about a movie with a happy ending and I kind of like a sad ending. An excuse to let the tears flow in the safety of my room.

It makes me angry when...
Most of the anger is at myself. I get angry the most when I look back at a situation where I did not do what I was supposed to do. I get really angry with myself and wonder why I just did not stand up and do what I had to. Most of the times its too late to do it and I just hate myself for that.

It makes me pissed of when...
I don't know how different this is from being angry, but I guess its one notch down. I get pissed of when someone dirties my kitchen. I get pissed when someone sings a song without proper timing. I get pissed when someone says they will do something and they don't. Even if it does not really affect me. It makes me pissed of when someone lets someone else take them for a ride and lets them walk all over. I could go on about the things that piss me off.

It makes me feel abandoned when...
I need human contact. I need to meet people and be with someone even if I rarely speak. It drives me nuts to sit alone at home. Guess that's why I find solace with the computer screen because sometimes that's the best I can find now. If I don't feel a touch from someone, I sometimes forget that I'm real.

Enough of emotions for now. I feel drained. LOL

There's Something About Lucy

I met Lucy few months ago almost by accident. It was probably love at first sight, but I don't think I realized it until now. A trip to the grocery is not something that I look forward to, but this day was different. It was as if something pulled me into the store. I knew I wanted something but I wasn't sure what it was. Walking up and down each aisle aimlessly, my feet slowed down as I neared the last one. I usually never give a second glance to anyone, unless of course they are stunningly attractive and their looks demand my attention. This was a different kind of feeling. Not attractive, but beyond. Not sexual, but something much greater. Our eyes locked and there she was. There was Lucy, with her shopping cart, looking helpless like a child who wanted the mother to open the cookie can. I paused for a brief moment and our eyes remained locked. There were no words spoken. There was no need, for that helpless look in her eyes cried out for some help, and she was probably hoping I would. I walked up to her with a half hidden smile and said, "let me help you with that." Her smile was far from hidden as she gently held on to my arms as we inched closer to the counter. I felt bad just walking away, and thought to myself, "would she be able to carry all that to her car by herself? Being the gentleman that I was, I should have helped her all the way. Shoot" I could not stop thinking about her for the next few days.

I had to go back and I had to find her. I did not know what it was about her that created this strange feeling inside me, but I could not ignore it. I went to the store many times but just could not catch her. Then one day, as luck would have it, there she was. I waited till she reached the last aisle and like an ass I reenacted the exact scene as before. Only this time she had a bigger smile. A smile that shouted out that she was so glad to see me. I did not hide my smile this time. We walked back again and I felt that gentle touch on my arm, that I so badly have been wanting since the last time. I did not chicken out, but this time took her bags to the car. I nearly half raised my right arm to waive goodbye, when she asked, "do you want to come home? I live close by, and I have some real warm cookies for you." I found myself being pulled into her car, as if it was the most matter of fact thing to have happened. The The next thing I knew, I was in her kitchen, munching away to the most delicious cookies I have ever had. We sat and talked for hours that day. Time did not seem to matter right then. It was as if we could go on forever. It did not matter that I repeated certain things for the hundredth time.

What developed between us that day was something out of this world. There was something about Lucy. I really don't think a word exists in the dictionary yet, that could describe this feeling. It did not stop there. We met more often and this time not at the grocery, but at her house. We did go to the grocery together many times, but mostly what I loved doing the most was to just sit with her, hold her hand, and let her hold mine, and listen to her. Sometimes I used to feel that she became a whole different person after she met me. She always smiled and laughed and most of the time what she said made no sense at all, but she enjoyed every word, as much as I did.

They say all good things must come to an end. They do, but I did not expect it to happen so soon. One fine day, she was gone, as quick as she came into my life, not to be seen again. Sadness, anger, frustration, abandonment. I did not know what I felt. Why was I such a fool to let someone into my life and become such a huge part, knowing well that she would leave any day? Did not keep track of the number of days it took me to think straight. Everything seemed peaceful when I began to think differently. It may have been short and hurtful, but I was proud that I could without doubt say that I had given her the best days of her life. Even more, she had given me something that would last me a life time. A scar. A wonderful scar that felt so good to have. A few valuable lessons that I may have learnt. She taught me to be innocent again. She taught me that it was ok to be carefree. She taught me that we come into this world alone, and we leave the same way, and nobody wants to have the time in between to be alone, and nobody deserves to be that way. That was the greatest lesson I learnt from her. She filled my void, and I filled hers, even though it was brief. I can never do justice to words, but there's something about Lucy.

Lucy was 93 years young when I met her. She had no family. Her siblings had all died and her husband had ended his journey long ago. She hardly remembered how many children she had, but they had abandoned her and not bothered to check if she was even alive. Oh what a big burden it must have been to care for someone who had raised them. She had very little memory and I knew that her time with mother earth was short. I wondered if she knew. I wondered if she cared. I was just glad that I was able to give her a chance to live her last few weeks the way she deserved. Its been many long years now and I have a family of my own. Now each time I look at my kids, I cant help but wonder how my last days are going to be. If I am alone, I know I might pull through. All I need to do is close my eyes and think about Lucy. There's something about Lucy...There sure is.

Mac Goes Food

I have always loved food. Well, who doesn't? I meant that I also love to cook, apart from just eat. I make it a point to cook at least one meal a day. When i say cook, I do not mean whipping up a sandwich or baking a frozen pizza. I mean taking some time cutting meat, chopping onions, mixing spices, and a lot more. Believe it or not, I get some kick out of that. Of course there are days when I don't feel like cooking, but hey that's because I'm just plain lazy.
Eating alone is no fun. There is no one to admire your wonderful creation. There is no one to taste it and give an opinion, and no one to smell it, though my neighbors sometimes smell it even way after I'm done cooking and even after the dishes are back where they belong. I do enjoy cooking for people and have done it a few times. I may not be able to do it everyday and so I thought it would be a good idea to have a separate blog, dedicated only for food. Its not going to be a cook book and don't expect to whip up some delicacies just by going through the blog. Its just about the ordinary food I eat everyday. Its about the food I enjoy making everyday. The methods are real simple and I bet anyone can do it. So hey, check out "Mac Can Cook." For those of you who love food and enjoy it, please do visit regularly and the others can just ignore that blog and keep dropping in here. I have also added a quick link on the right for easy access.