Varghese - D'Wergiz

I never liked my last name. What kind of a name is Varghese after all? To be honest, I have never used my last name much while I was in India. I preferred to use my middle name, which is George, and sounded way more cooler than Varghese. In school I was known as George and the same goes for college too. The only time I probably used Varghese was when someone in college showed me that it could be spelt in a more cooler way, like D'Wergiz (D is silent). I even created my own ID in college with my last name as D'Wergiz. That craze lasted just a few weeks and I was back to using George. I had even considered, or you can say fantasized about changing my last name. Varghese was a really Mallu name and yeah, that was probably the stage in my life when I was trying to run away from my roots, and kerala itself.

In India we usually refer to a person by their first name. At least this has been my experience and we very rarely refer to someone using their last name. I guess I may have got so used to hearing just my first name and somewhere along the way I may have forgotten that I had the name Varghese attached to the end, and using George as my last name was probably because we all need a last name. This I learnt when I entered college and seniors would initially ask me, "hey junior, what's your name bitch?" To that I would reply, "Divyan, sir." This was immediately followed by," Ahh, I see you don't have a father" or some were even more harsh, and would say, "Don't you have a father you fucker?" Not wanting to leave with a bruised ego, and body, I would reluctantly reply, "My name is Divyan George, Sir" And that, my dear friends, is how I learnt the value of a last name.

Coming away to the USA and having people call me by name was weird at first. A big shift from what I used to hear back in India. Here your last name is used frequently and some even call you by your last name. All my official documents had my last name as Varghese, because I never changed it, instead only fantasized about changing it. So each time someone called me, I would not respond because I was not used to hearing that name. Slowly I got used to it as it was used frequently in my place of work, and even in class, where I was called as Varghese, with awful pronunciations. The most common pronunciation I have heard is Var-ghey-zee and I have been asked if it is an Italian name. I guess it bares some resemblance to some Italian name. So, Varghese Varghese everywhere and no George to be seen/heard. My college e-mail ID has my name as "Divyan Varghese" and when I mailed a friend using that ID, he asked me, "Who the hell is Divyan Varghese, I thought you were Divyan George?" That's how much I have used my last name before. Right now people double check if I mention the name George, which I don't usually do now. It has disappeared, just how Varghese disappeared few years ago.

Anyway, I like my name now. I think its nice and sounds kinda nice. Not because people think it sounds Italian. It does not, and not because I hear it more often. I have begun using my rightful last name now, not because I want to prove that I have a father named Varghese, and not because I want to keep my ego intact. It was a name given to me with so much love and meaning, and I guess I must respect that. Sure it's my name and I have every right to change it if I don't like it, but the point is, I like it now. Every bit of it. Every V, every A, every R, every G and so on. LOL.
In case you're wondering, heck yeah, I would gladly pass this name on to my kid.

Things I Want To Do

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." - Dale Carnegie.


They say that life is short. Maybe, but there have been times when I have felt like this journey is taking forever. I have often wondered how it would be during those last few minutes of my existence. When I see my whole life flashing before my eyes, how would I feel? I don't want to look back and say, "Damn, I should have done that long ago" or even say "I wish I had more time." Its obvious that we can never be satisfied with what we do or achieve. Even if I make a list today and achieve all that by next year, I am sure that I will have more things added on to my list before its done. I believe that we all have that hidden desire that makes us want to do more and achieve more. I am the kind of person who tries. Most of the time I have noticed that I give up in between, but at least I can say that I have tried. I am however learning to try a little harder each time.

I though I would make a list of the few things that I would like to achieve in my life. I am not going to add the easy to achieve things, like graduation, go to a concert etc. I shall focus on the harder-to-get things that I have an eye on.

Be My Own Boss
After I graduate and come back I would need to find a good job, something that pays me enough to make up for all the money I have been spending here for the past few years. As I start working, I am also hoping to set up my own private practice side by side. That's only going to be secondary initially as it would take years to build up a name and be recognized. Slowly I would like to move over to my private practice and have my own office and maybe even a training center where I could train therapists. I am hoping that I can achieve that in ten years after I start working, so that would be eleven years from now.

Get A Doctorate
I really cant think of studying full time anymore, but getting a PhD is on top of my list. I will not do it right now, but I am hoping to achieve this within the next five years, and I think it is possible, if only I can get my lazy ass to move and do some research. I know my topic and I even know what area I am going to be researching on. I just need to get it going.

Write A Book
So, I think I can write after all. I had never thought much about wanting to write a book, partly because I don't care much for them. I can count on one hand, how many I have read. However in the last one year or so, I have had this desire to have my own book. Maybe its because of all the influence I have had from where I am right now. I know my book is not going to be fiction or sci-fi. It will probably be on relationships, but lets see.

Perform "The Wall" Album Entirely
I know I want to have my own band again and I know I will. One of my dreams is to be able to play the entire "The Wall" album from start to finish. Maybe I was influenced by the "Live in Berlin" DVD that I have been watching. Either perform "The Wall" or maybe even "In The Flesh" concert. I have not made up my mind on which one I want to perform, but I will be working towards doing either one, as soon as I get back and settle down.

Travel on the Palace on Wheels
Keeping my love for trains in mind, I thought I would include this one. The cost factor makes it worthy to be on the hard-to-achieve list, with each night costing Rs. 20,000 and this journey being a week long affair. The Palace On Wheels is a luxury train with 14 coaches, all decked up to make you feel like a Maharajah. The train has a bar, restaurants, and much much more. The Journey starts from Delhi, through Agra and a lot of places in Rajasthan and back. For me its not about visiting these places, but instead its more about being in that train.

Get Married and Have A Family
Now you may wonder how this made it on the hard-to-achieve list. Getting married seems easy, but trust me, for me its not. To many complications and too many people to please. Too many customs and traditions to keep in mind. Too many things to worry about. With all these in mind, I would just be glad when its done, whenever it happens.

Once again, this list is not final nor permanent. It can change with each day and I really wonder what it would be a year down the line. Anyway, as of today, these are the things I really want to achieve in my life.

Have You Ever..??

I have been really busy lately, thanks to the end of semesters, and my mind is not able to churn up some topics to post, fast enough. I came across this in some random blog while browsing, and I liked it and I pinched it. I guess its another neat way of exposing yourself to the blog world, in a fun way. So anyway, here goes.

HAVE YOU EVER.......

Smoked a cigarette?: Yes, I still do smoke and all my attempts to quit have been futile. So I stopped setting up targets for now and I have decided that I will quit when I get married.
Crashed a friend's car?: No, not yet. I have not crashed my own car. Well come to think of it, I don't even have a license yet. Shame on me.
Stolen a car?: Why would I, since I don't even drive yet. But yeah maybe some day in future if I see a car I like and if I am not able to afford it. Just Kidding.
Been in love?: Yes. Twice, and I want this one to be forever.
Been dumped?: Naahh.
Shoplifted?: Haaa..may times. Have not done it in the last few years but I remember doing it a lot while in school. I don't think I ever swiped away anything big. My most frequent target was the local bakery that sold Nestle chocolates. I did not care for the chocolates, I just wanted the stickers inside them.
Been in a fist fight?: I think just once. Way back when I was probably in 3rd or 4th grade and I don't even remember why, but I remember punching a guy. Never even came close to a fight after that.
Sneaked out of your parent's house?: I have never done it late at nights, because I never had the need to, but I remember sneaking out in the middle of studies or even during nap time when I was forbidden to leave the house. I think I just sneaked out to go and play.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?: Yes, way back in school. I did not have the balls to express myself, so I don't really know if they had feelings for me or not.
Been arrested?: Not yet, and I hope it never happens. But sometimes I feel like I would like to be taken to jail once.
Gone on a blind date?: Nahhh...like i said, I was never gutsy enough back in the days.
Skipped school?: Oh yes. Not a lot, but have done it few times but I don't remember what exactly we did. Guess it wasn't really worth remembering.
Been on a plane?: Yes, how do you think I got here? Anyway, I don't like flying and I wish I could avoid that. Would probably take a train back to India if a rail link existed.
Seen someone die?: No, and I don't want to. I don't think I would be able to handle that very well, even if I don't know the person. Its a life vanishing, after all.
Purposely set a part of yourself on fire?: Did it once to my hair, just because I wanted to know what it smelt like.
Been jet-skiing?: No, want to do it someday.
Met someone in person from the Internet?: Have met may people over the Internet, but not met them in person yet. There are few people that I really want to meet.
Taken pain killers?: I am not a big fan of medicines, but I had to take it once when I had a terrible toothache.
Flown a kite?: Yes, a lot. Have even stolen change from home to go buy kites. Have not done it in ages.
Built a sand castle?: Have tried doing it many times, but have never completed it.
Gone puddle jumping?: I love doing it even now.
Cheated while playing a game?: Most of the time.
Been lonely?: Many times over the last three years.
Fallen asleep at work or school/college?: Ohh you bet. Done it in school, college and at work. The thing was, in college the teachers really did not mind.
Used a fake ID?: Yes. In college I created my own ID because I wanted to spell my last name differently. I changed "Varghese" to "D'Wergiz." I carried this ID with me for almost a year and used this to appear for my exams. Who cared?
Felt an earthquake?: Yes, once while in college. I believe Jimmy blogged about this incident. I was in a phone booth when the earth shook. I didn't bother to move.
Touched a snake?: No and don't want to. I love watching them on TV.
Slept beneath the stars?: Yes, and it really is amazing. Its gets nasty just about when the sun is about to rise.
Been robbed?: Ohh. I have lost it all. I once got robbed of my CD player, wallet, watch, camera, and cell phone. All this because I left my key on top of my door while using the toilet. All it takes is one good dump to lose all your stuff. So next time, shit for lesser time.
Been misunderstood?: So many times. Don't even get me started on this one.
Won a contest?: Remember winning some painting and sketching stuff while in school Other than that I guess I can only remember the few wins I have had with my band.
Run a red light/stop sign?: Didn't really care for red lights while I was riding my TVS 50 back in school.
Been suspended from school?: No, even though I came close. I have however been suspended while in college.
Been in a car accident?: Not in a car accident, but have been in a deadly auto accident. My auto crashed into a police jeep from behind, and was sandwiched by a car from behind us. The auto driver was in bad shape, but I escaped without a scratch.
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night?: Not a whole pint, but maybe half.
Walked the streets drunk?: Yes, and its awesome. i don't like to lie down after a nice drink. I prefer walking around.
Had déjà vu?: Uuhh.. didn't I answer this before?
Danced in the moonlight?: I have danced, but not in the moonlight. I want to. Not just with anybody, but that special person.
Witnessed a crime?: No, and i pray never.
Squished barefoot through the mud?: Yuck, but Yes.
Been lost?: Many times. Not just on the road, but even in thought.
Been on the opposite side of the country?: Yes. Been east, west, north and south in India, but still there is really a lot more to see and experience.
Swum in the ocean?: No, and I don't see myself doing it. I don't wanna die drowning.
Cried yourself to sleep?: Few times.
Played cops and robbers?: Yes, and I even played it recently with a kid who is my client.
Recently coloured with crayons?: Yes, again I do that almost every week with some kids.
Sung karaoke?: No, but I want to, since I don't think ill ever have an audience otherwise.
Paid for a meal with only coins?: I don't want to see that day. I however remember paying for meals by pulling out even the last coin.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?: A few things. He he he. I rather not mention all of them, though smoking is one of them.
Made prank phone calls?: Plenty, and it sure was fun.
Caught a snow flake on your tongue?: Yes, and as soon as you catch it you wonder where it went.
Written a letter to Santa Claus?: Yes, and I even got a gift from him. Lol.
Blown bubbles?: Yeah, have tried making this really huge bubble.
Bonfire on the beach?: I really want to. I have been to the beach and have had a fire also, but never together. Nothing like sitting by the fire at a beach, drinking and playing the guitar.
Cheated on a test?: Till high school I had a policy that I would never cheat. I stuck to it and saw all the cheaters pass with high scores. Then i said, screw it and I think that I may have cheated in some way or the other for every test. Cheating is an art, and its for the selected few.
Gone skinny-dipping in a pool?: No, I am even shy to take off my shirt. But I just might do it someday, as it seems like fun.

Yeah that's a lot uhh. This is not exactly a tag but I would love to read about you guys too. So if u feel like being a little exposed, go ahead and do this and leave me a message when you have done it.