How I Thought I Knew It All

I really enjoy what I am doing. There was a time when I thought that my career would never be something that I would enjoy. I like being a therapist and it gives me more pleasure that I am a marriage therapist and that I get to try and help couples who have problems in their relationships. Call it narcissism if you want to, but there is this good feeling about being able to fix something. Its different from fixing a broken sink or the VCR. This is real people and their feelings we are talking about. Maybe you could draw some parallels with a doctor who has just performed a complicated surgery that has saved someones life. It must be a similar feeling. I feel powerful and feel like I have a lot of control. In therapy, the client does have a lot of control, but most of the time its something that the client is not really aware of.

So anyway, everything good comes at a price, and so does my new found control and power. I was just trying to look back and figure out how this has affected my relationship in the past and how it could continue to do so. I must admit that I had felt a little arrogant in the past, because I am now Mr fix-it-all. I remember one of my supervisors saying early on that as we start practicing, we should be prepared to deal with the rough patches that will arise in our own relationships. I dismissed it initially as rubbish, but later realized that she was right.

Towards the end of my first year, I took a trip back home. This chance came as a surprise and so my girlfriend and I were really excited. The time we spent together was good, but I soon began to notice the changes. We had small fights on most of the days, and a couple of big ones. On most occasions it was because I had said something which I probably should not have. I remember this one particular instance, which was probably the last nail. There was some kind of situation that happened and my girlfriend reacted to it in a slight aggressive manner, which is her natural way of dealing with things. I always choose the more calm and quiet path and so we kind of got into an argument about how differently we should have dealt with the situation. To be honest, it was I who even brought it up and said that she was not dealing with it in the right way. I criticized her action and I even criticized the things she said. I told her that things would have been better had she been more mellow "like me". The last sentence I probably said was, "There is no point in telling you all this. It just flies over your head and nothing goes inside". That was it. I don't think I need to elaborate on the series of events that happened next.

My point is, I had this attitude that I had learnt a lot and hence I knew how she should react in a situation. Its bad enough that guys in general think they can fix everything and we think that it is our birth right to be able to fix everything, even if it is not broken. It only makes it worse that I have now gone and got a degree in the fine art of fixing. I learnt that I should not analyze everything she says and does. I don't need to show off my talents in front of her. I don't need to tell her what the right way of doing something is. She doesn't need a therapist in her life. What she needs is a partner who will just be there and just let her be. If she really needs a therapist, she is capable of getting one for herself. This was my lesson in learning to let someone be, just the way they are. We are all unique individuals and no matter how much we have in common, we are all caught in the web of phenomenology. Different perspectives, different views and a lot of other things separate us. It really is difficult for us to accept a perspective that is different from ours. It may be bull crap to us, but it can be perfect sense to someone else. We cannot change it and we should not try to change it in someone else.No matter how aware I am of wanting to separate work from family, it is sure to creep in every now and then. That really is not avoidable, but being aware of it is the clue to controlling it.

Now in a few weeks, when I finish up here and head back home, this remains one of my greatest challenges. It does not matter what I have learnt and how much I have learnt. All that matters in the end is if I can be the person I really am, and if I can let her be the person she really is, without judging.

Little Italy

Every once in a while we all like to really indulge in a big meal. That's exactly what I did yesterday. Haven't we all occasionally eaten to a point where you end up feeling guilty because you ate not because you were hungry, but because there was so much delicious food? That's how I ended up feeling after I had eaten this meal.

Along with a few friends, I went over to this place called Maggiano's - Little Italy. Its obvious from the name that its an Italian joint and it didn't take me long to figure out that the Italians take their food seriously. We ordered family style, which means that we get two salads, two appetizers, two pastas, two entrees and two desserts. As far as the quantity is concerned, its unlimited. Yes, so you can eat as much as you want to. So anyway, here is what I stuffed myself with. I am going to skip the spinach salad and the maggianos salad, because i skipped them at the meal. Who wants the green leaves to occupy the much needed space in your tummy?
Appetizers:
Stuffed Mushrooms: Eating this makes you wonder how something as low down as fungus can taste so awesome. Pretty big sized mushrooms stuffed with a mix of bread crumbs, cheese and some veggies, and baked. Excellent.








Spinach and Artichoke Dip: Once again a really cheesy dip, made with spinach and artichoke. More like a fondue, minus the fire. The bread was garlic flavored and crispy. Even if you don't like spinach, this dish will take you by surprise.




Pasta
Veal and Mushroom Ravioli: Thin pasta shells stuffed with a mix of veal and mushrooms and covered in Alfredo sauce and baked lightly. The second time the server got this dish out, he had accidentally got us crab and lobster ravioli. We did not complain, as it was terrific.




Chicken Pesto Linguine: Probably my least favorite from that night. Strips of baked chicken mixed with linguine pasta and smothered in pesto sauce. It did taste good, but it had this one strong flavor which i could not identify and did not like much.







Entrees
Chicken Parmesan: Chicken breast fried in some batter and then baked with a generous helping of Parmesan cheese. Served with a covering of marinara sauce. The cheese makes all the difference and of course, the sauce adds the finishing touch to the dish.








Medallions of Beef: This is pretty much like steak. Chunks of finely cut beef, cooked to your linking. We had ours rare, and so was kind of pinkish inside. Very juicy and tender. Served with veggies, sauteed mushrooms and mashed potatoes. Thin onion strips, dipped in batter and golden fried, are sprinkled on top.







Desserts
Chocolate Zuccotto Cake: This is the kind of cake that can kill a person. Very very rich and really huge. Once single slice was enough for six of us, considering how much we had already had.






Tiramisu: Delicious, is all I can say. Made from sponge finger biscuits, eggs and mascrapone cheese and soaked with espresso coffee and rum. Certainly not recommended for recovering alcoholics.





That sure was quite some meal. My favorite pick from the lot was the Ravioli. I did get an extra serving to bring home. This doesn't really cost a fortune. It was just $25 per person. Now before you convert the currency and call it expensive, let me say that an ordinary meal elsewhere will easily cost you $20 including tip. So this really is a good deal. After I finished, I was so stuffed that it made me want to swear that I would never touch food ever again. Yeah right..!! I'm already planning my next trip there.

The Right To Health And Education

Many years ago, when I was in my 7th grade, My parents decided that it was time to get my teeth fixed. It really was a terrible mess, but I couldn't care less. I had a couple of extra teeth inside my mouth and the beauty of it was that not a single one was in its original place where it was supposed to be. So off we go to the medical college and few weeks later and many agonizing visits later, I had braces. All the extra teeth were pulled out and now, the metal in my mouth was going to pull my teeth back to its original locations. Since the procedure was done in a medical college, it did not cost us more than 100 rs to have the whole procedure done. So yeah, for less than Rs 100, I had a pretty neat set of teeth. Even after my braces came off years later, I never really took good care of my teeth. I had a couple of root canals and some fillings done when I was in college. I got this done from a private dentist and this too cost me less than Rs 1000.

Once I came to the USA, my college requires that students show proof of insurance or else be admitted to the insurance program that they put you in. Since I did not have my insurance, I had to obviously join the one provided from the college. I had to pay a little more than $ 700 (Rs 27,000 approx) each year. It was indeed a huge amount for me to foot, but I had to, and I also knew that I would be secure in case of an emergency and I had to run to the hospital. I had never faced a harsh winter and I knew that if the climate takes a toll on me, I would not have to worry about the money. Oh boy, was I in for a surprise or what.

Once I started my practicals, I was asked to take a complete medical test and submit the report that I was in the best of health. I made the usual round of calls to hospitals and clinics and none of them were accepting the insurance I had. Next I called my insurance company and guess what they told me. They said that my insurance does not cover health check ups. It did not cover any sort of screening tests for any disease. It only provided partial care in case of an accident, and only if it was pre-approved. Hhhmmm, so when exactly am i supposed to pre-approve it if I have an accident? Do they expect me to do it when I'm knocked out cold and being taken to a hospital? Or maybe they expect me to foresee my accident and get it pre-approved a day before I actually had the accident. What a great system. So anyway, There was no way I could afford a complete health check and I was grateful that someone from my college offered to cover the expense for me.


About two years ago, one of the fillings I had on my tooth came off. I now had an open cavity and it hurt like hell. Pain killers worked for a while, but the effect wouldn't last. So here I go again making calls to my insurance company and the dentist office. As expected my insurance did not cover dental expense. Finding a good and cheap dentist was my only hope. Any guesses about the quote i got? He said that it would be $910 (Rs 36,000) for just a root canal and maybe around $ 500 for a filling. I decided to give up the cause. I struggled with the tooth and the pain it caused. Somehow managed with painkillers. It does not hurt anymore and I think that all the tissues are dead. The cavity became bigger and deeper over time and now the only option I have is to have it pulled out. I cant do that here and so I am waiting till I get back to India to have it done. I lost a tooth because I could not afford it.


Proper health care should be the right of every individual. Everyone should have the right to have accessible health care. Even if it is not free, it should be affordable. No one should be denied care because they cannot pay for it. It just doesn't seem fair, does it? How can we ever put a price on ones life? That's pretty much what this country does. Maybe if you have not guessed it by now, I just watched "Sicko" by Michael Moore. It makes me angry and really sick to think of the way health care is managed in this country. Now I am not saying that India is perfect, but at least we have affordable care. You can get a tooth pulled for Rs 10 and you can have a lot more done with just a little cash. Of course there are super expensive deals in India too, but that needs to be there for those who can afford it, but what is important is that we have cheap care for those who are on a smaller budget. That's really missing in this country. Insurance companies become richer by ripping off the common man and finding small loop holes to not pay for his care.


Education is another basic human right. Every one should have the right to have an education and money should not be an obstacle to prevent one from having an education. In my college, one single class costs $ 1500 for a semester. So with the four classes I used to take each semester, it was $ 6000, just for my classes for one semester. Remember that we are a small college and the rates are lesser than elsewhere. I would not be here if I did not get a fee waiver from the college. I assumed that all students enrolled here made enough to study, but I was wrong. They are all deep in debt because they had taken huge loans to pursue their education. So, by the time someone is 25, they have already racked up personal debts of over $ 25,000. Compare this to the Rs 475 I used to pay each semester back in college. This is just not the way it is supposed to be. Education should be free or at least affordable or else how can we really have people who are well educated. Is it really fair to burden a young person with huge debts even before they have stepped out into the real world?


I am really grateful for the way things are in my country. We do complain a lot and whine and bitch about everything. We say that our country will never progress and blah blah. We need to remember that we have it way better than a lot of others. Coming to the USA and getting a green card still remains a priority for a lot of us. We think that this is the closest to heaven that we can get on earth. Most of us realize the hardships only after we get here. Once you are here, you better earn shit loads of money or, just cross your fingers and pray everyday that you do not fall sick. If you do, its probably time to put an add in the newspaper in India that you house and property are for sale.


ps: If you have not seen "Sicko" yet, you have to.