Yes, We Can Last Long

I had previously written a while ago about women missing out on having an orgasm, due to various factors that come into play. To a great degree, men are held responsible for not being man enough to satisfy their woman, or as in most cases, they are just plain selfish. Once they ejaculate, it's the end of story. Their pleasure is all they care about. For some, reproducing is the only reason for sex, and their orgasm comes as a bonus. It's fast and easy, so why not have it, and as for the woman, well, who cares. Her job is to produce a kid, and that's happening anyway. Dumb ass man. I don't want to generalize and put all men into the same category. Some men really do care about satisfying their woman, if only they lasted longer.

It's true that an erect penis is not the only means to satisfy a women and a man knows very well that he has so many other body parts he could use for that purpose. That's not the point. The point is, most men measure their level of manhood based on how long they can last. It's also probably the worst kept secret that, for men, size does matter. No matter how many times a woman says that she does not care about the size, we men still think about it and somewhere deep inside we all wish it was an inch longer, no matter how big we have it. To be fair to every man, I think he should have either size on his side, or longevity. Consider yourself lucky if you have either one. Some have both. Damn lucky. I honestly hope and pray that not many are deprived of both. What happens in the bedroom can really boost or burst a man's confidence. Proper or not, let's accept it. That happens. A man can end up feeling hopeless and depressed. He can feel that he is not man enough and along with that comes the guilt of not being able to give his woman what she deserves. Once these feelings set in, there is no more room for being turned on and as a result, the sexual activity has ended for the night. The man feels ashamed and withdraws into his shell, and the woman feels neglected and used. Same story the next time too.

Men need to know that things don't necessarily have to end this way always. In this present day and age, there are so many resources that can help a man out, if he really is genuine about wanting to please the woman. Viagra was a big boon for men with ED and like wise, there are products to help with premature ejaculation. The problem is that a lot of it goes un-advertised and as a result, awareness is Nil. The problem with India is that we sometimes make a hue and cry about unnecessary things. A while ago, when Hindustan Latex Ltd launched its vibrating condom called Crezendo, certain states made a big deal out of it and called it a sex toy and asked for it to be banned, since sex toys are still illegal in India. So what if it is a sex toy? Using one of those is probably a lot safer than many of the unhealthy and dangerous sex practices that men indulge in. But who listens. The vibrating condom, when used correctly, helps a woman to reach closer to an orgasm while the man is still erect. A woman takes much longer to reach her climax and since most men cannot last that long, using products that help minimize the gap is the key. A few years ago Moods introduced Long Last condoms. These condoms have a desensitizing element, which rubs on to the head of the penis when worn, and hence preventing the man from reaching his orgasm for almost 20 minutes, and yet maintaining his erection. Ahhh..!!! Why don't we know enough about this? For those who feel safe enough to not want to use the condom, there are many desensitizing sprays and creams that are known as Delay Spray or Delay Cream. Spray or apply this to the head and shaft of the penis about fifteen minutes before sex, and you can last as long as thirty minutes, and in the process, bring your partner to more than one orgasm. Now what better way to boost your confidence in bed?

The sprays and creams are probably not advertised and marketed yet in India. I wouldn't be surprised if some nuts call for its ban also, calling it a sex toy. Unless it is advertised and promoted, most men will remain ignorant about its availability and about the wonders it could do to their sex life. So, until the time comes when they are promoted, come on men. Stand up (I mean, seriously) and take a little effort and discover what lies in store. Give your woman what she deserves.

The One Who Knew Too Much

I am the one who knows too much. Most of it are things that I don't really need to know and those that don't concern me. Yet I know them. The initial feeling of power soon fades away. I have a lot of information, but very less knowledge. All that I know suddenly comes back to bite me. The bite hurts a lot. I didn't think it would, but it does. I wish I could make a hole somewhere and let it all ooze out. Better still, I wish I could erase everything I know now, and start from scratch. No memories, happy or sad.

This time around I want to know less. I want to make friends all over again. Get to know the same friends, not new ones. Learn again, fall in love again, grow again, make mistakes again, and do just about everything as if I am doing it for the first time. I think life would be a lot less painful and less stressful if I knew less. Fuck it.

Great Expectations: Learning to Let Go

The Romantic Phase
Remember those early days when you started falling in love, when everything seemed to be so perfect? You felt like things could never get better. You felt like this was the best thing that has ever happened in you life. All your emotional needs were being met and what ever you gave, emotionally or otherwise, were greatly appreciated. You were made to feel larger than life, with the continuous flow of compliments: some direct, and some hidden. Either way, you felt enriched in more ways than one. At the beginning of any relationship, this process is always on a two way street. Meaning, there is constant giving and taking from both partners, mostly balanced, but not necessarily. The bottom line is, both partners are working over time to impress the other and to secure the relationship. If you don't work hard enough, you may not always get it. During this stage, compliments are plenty. There are plenty of I-Love-Yous and a lot of I-Miss-Yous and you just get so used to hearing it often.

The Battle Begins
Things take a turn after a while. Every couple moves on from the romantic stage to the power struggle stage. This happens usually when both couples become unconsciously secure in the relationship. You now know that you have won your partner and that all the hard work you have done has really paid off. This is not usually a conscious process. We don't consciously think that, "ahh I have got him/her and now I can stop working so hard or give away so many compliments." This happens without our knowing. I do not want to generalize but in most cases, only one of the partner gets confused. It can sometimes be the man, and other times the woman. I don't think there is any rule on who it should be. Again with most couples, one of them takes on the role of the giver, while the other takes the role of the receiver. Even when one goes past the romantic phase, the giver keeps on giving. He/she does not stop giving compliments and he/she does not stop trying to please. It usually can confuse the giver because they do not get anything in return, they way they used to. Suddenly it feels like we are now on a one way street. This in turn leads to anger and frustrations. This stage throws up a lot of statements like:
"Don't you love me anymore?",
"You are not the same person anymore",
"Why do I have to beg so much to get a compliment out of you?",
"I feel you are drifting away from me",
and so many more. Not to forget the millions of thoughts that run in our head.

Confusion and Acceptance
It is at this stage that a lot of the givers get confused. It is easy to start thinking that your partner does not love you as much as they did before. Your mind probably works over time in trying to make you believe that you have lost the magic that you both had and that now there is no hope for your relationship. You feel unhappy and unsatisfied and you yearn for those magic moments you had before. So the right thing for you to do would be to put an end to your misery and start looking elsewhere, right? Wrong!!!! We all need to understand that the lack of compliments and the disappearance of emotions does not mean your partner is drifting away and does not love you anymore. Two different individuals always have two different ways of dealing with a situation, event or phase of life. It is only natural that we unconsciously expect our partner to act and respond the way we do, and when they don't, it leaves us mad. We do not consciously say that we want our partner to act exactly like us, but that is indeed the process that is happening inside us. We need to know that we cannot change people. We will have huge expectation of our partners and we have every right to have them, but that in no way means they will be met. In trying to meet our expectations, we are unconsciously trying to make our partner something they are not. This attempt will be in vain and will only lead to more frustrations.

Trusting and Letting Go
When we have made this realization, the next step for us is to blindly believe and let go. Now letting go is not the easiest thing to do. How can we just stop wishing for something that we so badly want? Trust is the most important factor. We need to believe that we are loved. We may not see that love the way we expect to, but it still is there. It's the faith that matters. It is pretty much like believing in God. We do not see God and a lot of our prayers go unanswered and suddenly it feels like a one way relationship with God. But every now and then there are these brief moments where you believe in God more than anything else. It is the same case with love. It is unrealistic to expect to feel it every single minute. You will feel it every now and then. You will have those brief moments when you feel like you are the luckiest person alive. In the other moments, you just have to believe that you are the luckiest person. Just sit back, lay down, stretch out, or whatever, and just let go. You are loved.